He left this world today at 3:10p CT, after having licked his master’s face with a fervor that could only serve as a confirmation that he knew and was ready. I did not go. I could not go. I hardly have feet under me today. I am told it took no time at all, so ready was he to go on and leave his worldly aches behind. He had All the Bacon for breakfast and as large a meal as he wanted. And now hungers for nothing more than scratches and pets.
The cat is the sole remainder and tomorrow she is off to another place so that I may have the freedom to do what I must.
I have taken the decision to stay with a friend until a role is secured, saving what I make from the sale of the house rather than spend any of it on a temporary lodging that might be longer than I wish. It crushes me. I takes what little pride I had left – and it was not much – and crushes it. I have been thoroughly humiliated and wonder at how much more I must grovel before it is done.
Tomorrow I must pay a lot for another week here to do the final packing. But at least I know, now, what TO pack. All of it. I will need none of it but clothing and not much of that. I’ll hire a mover to load the pod with the detritus of life and a storage space with the furniture that won’t fit and the appliances. And then it will be done.
I’ve no idea what will become of me – it is the strangest thing. I’ve been unencumbered and yet feel a weight bearing down on me that makes it impossible to move. And Friday the test for a role that pays rather little will include a Skills test so I must refresh my mind on foolish things in Microsoft. A mind that can hardly hold one thought second to second.
Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? The die is cast. For good or ill I have made a Choice. It was all I could do. I’ve no energy left to fight. Fate has won.