Good Lord, Has It Been That Long?

Oh, the dust bunnies are piled up in the corners here, no? Well, let me just offer a few reasons…my laptop died. And Sarge’s old one has a lovely Latitude keyboard “known issue” where your cursor just jumps around for no reason so writing anything more than a few sentences was a ridiculous feat. So I had to get a keyboard and mouse…

Then it was suddenly summer and Sarge was gone for a few weeks – and the garden was coming on like mad. And the puppy…dear GOD, the puppy. A royal PITA, frankly, as she is VERY dominant and needy all at the same time. She won’t stay in the barbed wire fence, either, low crawling like a mofo and managing to get all 80 lbs of herself through.20180630_174704

Ah, and then there was the swimming pool turned into a swamp ordeal…that took a few weeks and a lot of work to battle to submission. And then there was Twitter. Yep, I have spent far more hours there than I really ought to but it is an instant gratification thing – a few sentences and you are done. And I’ve managed to find one or two very nice people and handy to know types. So there is that.

Meanwhile…Sarge has been getting in great shape and taking care of dental appts that were needed. He has Plans that demand he be in top form and I applaud him. My own fitness took a dump when my arms started going awfully numb. Yes, I went to the doc. And yes, he declared the same old cry of “carpal tunnel” AKA “pay my Vette loan”. Look, I KNOW it is a nerve issue higher up than that – maybe ulnar entrapment but I am betting higher still. I think it is an issue with the axillary artery but no one wants to hear about that, do they? And yes, I had a lovely heart ultrasound and blood work that show I have few issues with the latter and nothing to show any major troubles. The higher BP also makes me think the problem is in the transverse scapular area – if I pop my shoulder just right in the rear sensation is better. So it is either nerve and/or blood constriction and I’ll be damned if I am risking my hands to save someone from doing it the right way the first time. I need to get someone to perform a proper CT angiogram, I think, too at least get a proper visual…well, pfft. It’s all BS – in the end I am too old to be fooled by a young surgeon who doesn’t have to face the consequences for a wrong decision. He didn’t even pay attention when I said that there was relief when my shoulder popped. Dude, that’s called a fucking CLUE. When he handed me a stretching band to alleviate that shoulder pain I knew we were done.

So a lot has gone on over the summer. And this vast beauty was hauled into the house – 38 lbs and 38 inches around. It was perfect inside. He was so proud.


Watermelon Ol 38

I am not a melon fan, generally, so he has been eating the massive harvest of cantaloupe and now these are coming ripe…just look at that beast! And then there were the whole two peaches the ancient tree provided…

I’d cut it back hard in the spring but a few very cold days made the blooms fail so I was glad to get any at all. We split each one so we could taste them and it was like what you dream a peach would be…drenchingly sweet, flesh just soft but not stringy. Oh, it was sunlight caught in your hand…20180725_194346

And the tomatoes…enough so that I was begging him to take them to the office, to the neighbor, to anyone that would have them. I made everything I could with them but at least they have slowed a bit – one bush was ridiculously huge. I shall save those seeds but now I know they need a cage of rebar. 20180724_074839

Did  mention the cantaloupes? I’ve two in the fridge and three on the counter. He took three to the office yesterday.

Add to all that the idea that I might have to leave this lovely and idyllic home for a different place in the state. Promotions sometimes demand that. In truth, we think it might be for the best, anyway. But…oh, I do love this place…I have been trying to accept that we got to enjoy it for as long as we have and it was a real treat to me to spend my days with each sunrise and sunset on my face, the winds always blowing on the hill. But I might also enjoy not having the reminders of the sadness…of seeing my dear Kota in every corner, of knowing there – there she lay down last, and there – there she scratched her final message to me. No…it might be a good thing to leave that behind along with much else.

Soon Sarge heads to Georgia to tie up some loose ends of his inheritance – if you know anyone who’d like an overbuilt old home in N. GA with a garden and proper chicken run…well, it will come available soon. In one way it hurts to let it go – the history, the last link. As much as I mourn this home he must mourn that one trebly so…but I am trying so hard to move away from holding onto things and places – to being more open to what life brings and not hate or fear change as I always have. Change has always been due to misfortune or mishap. I do not trust it. So it is a hard hurdle to just accept it as it comes…

I am watching the hummingbirds at my feeders, dancing in the air, fighting for the plenty provided. They also serve as a reminder to not hold so tightly to what I have as I might miss something I need more…but this place…this sky…these trees…if only I could pack it all up and move it along with me…a suitcase of land, a pop-up book of a house…well, it cannot be helped. And the world is uncertain! Anything could happen – anything at all.


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