It has been such a rough time of late that I have thought of this rather dusty abode only a few times. But as I am sick and alone this Christmas Eve I thought I might spend some of it here, remembering other Christmas nights…I hardly had the time or ability to decorate this year so it is just some twinkling lights and glittery bits here and there. But those glints illuminate scenes for me…
I spent many Christmas nights alone and it isn’t that melancholy, truly. Your stocking has what you like best to eat, no need for fancy cookery when some French toast will suffice. There were some years spent early on the morning of Christmas taking a city bus 90 minutes to see mom, to be spoiled by her cooking, and laugh as her cat sat at table for the annual slice of ham treat.
There was the year when bright crystal glasses clinked with deep red wine within. And the year when the glass tumbled from my hand with a crash and tears, finally, for a greater loss.
There was another year with the power off, the heat long gone, waiting for that January 1st cash to warm up again. Few gifts that year, of course, but those that mom had sent well in time as was her way.
So this night I ride currents of memory along a coast of sharp snippets, scenes flashing by with pleasure and old heart aches. It could be fever, or exhaustion after trying too hard yesterday to be Sociable while unwell. Of course, Sarge has caught the same illness and lags a day or two behind me but remains in the car, check riding the nights away with the Troopers so that they not feel that burden of holidays alone on the road that he knows so intimately.
He will be home soon enough and we will share a late, simple meal with perhaps a medicinal hot toddy to send us off to bed. Off again he will go tomorrow but I think with some warm French toast in his belly and the simple Christmas spirit in his heart.
But for now…as the lights on the small road move with people going to and from their own families…I just let this run…song after song reminding me of the way life will push you from the mundane, from the pointless to your destination – if only you will take that hesitant step forward.
God bless you all.