I have become accustomed to his being near – if not in the bed at night, no more than a few minutes away. Tonight that is not the case and every creak gives me pause. My hand moves familiarly over the loaned Springfield, the heavily checkered grips a firm reminder that it’s all on me.

There is something about the night that has changed for me. I can hardly imagine doing now what I did when younger – leaving at midnight for some assignation or another. It isn’t as though I’ve become a recluse but I truly do not like much of the world around me, now. Every little idiocy bristles so that I am brought to pointed language…

I am afraid the time spent away hasn’t helped, either. Hours from any sort of electronic minder, any other people, and the massive deceit gave me a perspective I have not had since the last time I went to Dream Lake. There, with the expansive view, I felt a tremendous ease of heart and soul.

I think of it often, wondering why it has been so long since I’d traveled there. Delays…as if tomorrow were assured or those mountains would remain accessible forever. What I would like to do I need to do, soon. I doubt I shall ever cross that wide expanse to Europe, now. Never to see those places that ancient history bades me to honor. But this land – this sweet land is being turned into a fetid swamp beneath of feet of the banal. I ought to see it while I still can – while there is something left worth the trip.

All this…another delay. So that I needn’t go to bed alone, not have my guard up and senses not quite resting. I wish I’d gone with them…the feral pigs are, at least, honest in their predations, sincere in their intent. Those other feral creatures? Frighteningly capricious.

2 responses to “Delay

  1. I was fortunate to have lived a big chunk of my productive life in Europe–living in a place is a better experience than visiting. There are a lot I would love to return to, places like Florence and Zermatt and Segovia and Burgundy. But I know it would be different. I've changed and so have they, although probably not as much. They grow old gracefully, I do it pathetically.

    But this nation still holds much of beauty, both in the landscape and in the people. TX is such a place, as you well know. Last summer I returned to Colorado and a chunk of Wyoming and was simply revitalized. In every direction I could look I was renewed.

    Next year's plan is already made, Jackson Hole. But I've also got a fighter pilot reunion in Orlando and probably a book release in DC. Different places by light years, but all will refresh me.

    Glasses are inevitably half full or half empty, but depending upon the perspective of the viewer they can seem to be much more one than the other. We lose only what we are willing to let go.

  2. Och, I am a half-empty type – always the pessimist. I try to keep it in check…

    Florence is near the top of my wish list. As is Switzerland…

    I am pushing for a return to RMNP this winter. I don't care about skiing – never have so it's no loss. I'm also pressing for Kalispell. A bit longer to drive, though. LOL

    As for what I am willing to let go? All but what I have. And even that is disposable to an extent if it means me and mine are left alone.

    Still…Athens? Pompeii? Wales? It'd be wonderful to see them…

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