Tech, Death & Other Beauty

Well, it’s been quite the morning. As on every other morning, I walked into the office to download the latest email only to find the PC hung. And suddenly rebooting itself. I was patient, thinking it would load up and I could move on but no.

Right now, it’s telling me how it can’t find NTLDR. I researched the error. I put the files on a CD and loaded it but still No Joy. I suspect the HDD is a coaster, now, but I truly hope not. It’s just out of my control and level of experience.

I have been consoling myself here with looking at the lovely bits and pieces. Just look at the draperies in Versailles. Can you imagine the women in rows completeing the intricate needlework? I like detail. I can get lost in it. It is also why so many of my photos are of the small and close-up. Either that or of incredible light. Like this early autumn morning light over Boulder.

I cannot tell you how much I love it there. When the car moves close enough to town that the Flat Irons come into view I have a sense of peace that is really profound. Move me further up that road into the Rockies and that peace is magnified. I wish I knew why. I know the only photos where I look even halfway decent are all from there. I can remember going there alone for the first time for my stepdaughter’s college graduation and being so…well, it was frightening, I’ll admit. I have a hard time being on my own. But it was also really nice to just get up early to watch the sun hit the spires from the park. And to walk through a very icy path to go higher into those spires. And the drums that rolled on the air from somewhere just far enough to prevent my seeing their source. Morning drums beating out a greeting to the sun and the voices carried only barely.

It was the next day, I think, that we went to Rocky Mtn Nat’l Park and snowshoed our way to a high lake, frozen over. We stopped at this view and it moved me deeply. There was something about that distant beauty that I could not fully understand – majesty, the insanely beautiful color and shape of the clouds overhead, perhaps the lessening oxygen was giving me a buzz. But I wanted to stand there forever in that cool air. I think it’d be fantastic to have my ashes left there someday. Yeah, yeah – it’s a long time from now. But I cannot think of a better place.

If life allows you some time away this winter, give this place some thought. The beauty of it is beyond words.

On The Cheap

After living the semi-high life during all wedding doing’s, we’ve been careful to recover by being judicious with the groceries. No more eating out for a time – no, it’s time to empty that freezer of all good things and actually cook as I used to.

Yesterday, it was a lovely steak and potato dinner – I’d had other plans for that steak but it would not have been near as tasty. Tonight it’s pasta with homemade sauce and fresh made French bread with which to slather in garlic butter and broil so that the golden gleaming goodness just screams out “EAT ME NOW!”.

It reminds me of my early bachelorette days. Goodness, how in the hell did I manage on almost half of my current salary? I had a tidy apartment, food enough, and bills paid. I even had cable. At any rate, ignore Trooper’s commentary about there only being some bread, mustard and ancient ketchup in there. He’s a big ol’ liar. At any rate, I cooked like crazy all things from scratch because it was cheap. Chili? Check. Pasta Sauce? Check check. Soup? Bet your ass. I still do those things now and again but the recipes have changed into quickies – the reliable 30 minutes to table kind that allow you to get on with life. But I think I’ll be looking at that – maybe I need to do more slow cooking again.

Is there anything as good as homemade vegetable soup with the scant meat from a ham hock giving it just the right amount of fat and marrow goodness? Or pinto beans with corn bread? Basic stuff that we lived on as children because feeding a family of five was not easy. I remember mom calling it “stone soup” as the meat bones rattled in the pot. Still, none of us went hungry. And to this day I can whip up nigh unto anything if the need arises.

Arises…damn, the bread. Alright – time to punch down, shape and rise again. Sometimes life is so damned good you don’t even know it. Sitting there aching from a lawn mowing, thinking about how it hurts in those shoulders…hell, yeah. It hurts. Now, dunk that golden deliciousness into the sauce and tell me what hurts.

Life is good. We are blessed.

Just Can’t

Er – maybe that should read Just Won’t. I have a problem with using “can’t” in place of “won’t” in order to avoid responsibility for my actions – or lack thereof.

I’ve a house to clear of clutter (I liked Cherry’s take on it wherein she states, “…home is in a state of readiness and expectation ” and hope to emulate her) but I’ve no will for it. I have a workout to get done today and, surprise, no will for it, either. More laundry waits as does a shower but I’ve things to get done that I simply won’t get to.

I spent some of the morning surfing the net, looking for some good images for the home gym – athleticism and such for inspiration – and hit some erotica that reminded me of an old friend and his images. They were awfully…derivative of my friend’s work…so I surfed his site for a time, recalling that era of my life. I used to do a lot of black and white photography, playing with the developing of the prints to get the view I liked in the shading I wanted. It’s very interesting how a plain photo can be transformed with a bit of time and chemical. Of course, now people do it with software but I like the haphazard nature of the old way.

At any rate, it was a few hours of rehashing things in my mind and considering picking up the old camera again and getting back in the groove. I really don’t care for digital as much and I cannot truly say why – now the cameras are quite competitive in terms of quality of lenses and resolution. But I like the utter sharpness and fine grain and color of slide film. Maybe I’ll start anew, pulling out the old stuff and making a few prints from them. I used to be rather alright – not great, but 1 out of 30 would be pretty interesting, I think. Not a bad ratio.

I managed to get in a bit of cleaning and then stalled over a cup of coffee, reheated from the early morning pot. Trooper hit the road after an impromptu breakfast at the beloved Waffle House with an academy mate from El Paso and his wife. They’re fun people with a similar sense of humor. It is always pleasant for me when my sometimes dry and misunderstood wit is appreciated. Honestly, I often say nothing out of fear that what is funny in my mind will come out completely wrong.

Oh – and I thought I’d toss in a snippet of wedding frou-frou until the photos come back. Just the flower girl basket I made (it’s a bit worse for wear, now, but it was, I thought, pretty) and the ring pillow my pal made for me. I adore the lace and the cream and blue color scheme. Even the white and blue was nice. Sort of…heavenly.
Now, it’s really time to go workout. Then to the grocery for a few things after a nice shower and relaxing time with my magazine – I fully intend to finish this issue of Romantic Homes, damn it. I love the magazine. LOVE. Alright, then. Let the torment begin.

Love and Loss

What a baffling world this is sometimes…just as we were picking up tuxes and flowers, a man was on the side of a road watching his life, his love, fade.

As people who see these things from a remote point, filling out the paperwork and measuring the marks delineating death, it gives a vantage that many do not have. You can be professional and efficient but later that night, you hug your family tighter because it’s so clear that – as the gentleman notes so eloquently – “Cherish every smallest kiss, because you don’t ever, ever know which one will be the last.”

Bless him – he has lost the most precious thing in his life.

Addendum: Billy has a lovely post on the topic but this really stood out.
“Every single day, when I saddled up, I would sit there and tell myself right out loud: ‘Look around you. This could be it: right here and now; your very last hour on the planet.’ “


It’s Done


Can I just say right here that I am utterly exhausted? It was a grand weekend but it took a toll on my sanity. I’ve no photos yet to offer but I can say this – he was the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in his new hat , tux and carefully pressed black jeans.

I was a mental wreck the morning of the wedding, having spent all day Friday running around trying to get everything done AND host an impromptu cookout for the family who had come to town. I cannot believe it all happened in the short time given. But it was grand to see all the family once again!

My bouquet skills were severely lacking – particularly since we got the flowers at the end of the day Friday and my mind utterly forgot the color scheme of pale blue and white. LOLOL Oh, my…I’d wanted/had in mind hydrangeas and maybe some stock and and such. That was not what I acquired. Hilarity ensued the next morning as I tried to separate things out and bind them after 4 hours sleep. I let them sleep a bit longer as I prep’d things.

Of course, Trooper took the scenic route to the site of the wedding so we arrived with less than 45 minutes to prepare. Thank goodness my family stepped up in a huge way and organized everything whilst I tried to hurry and dress, makeup and then abandon all attempts at hair dressing. They say I looked lovely. I say I was a humongous mess but I was smiling and polite.

The photographer was a DARLING and I cannot wait to see what develops, so to speak. LOL Oh, she was a sweetheart…I cannot even find words.

And then…everyone was “awfully assembled” and it was time. I met my wee flower girl and ring bearer and Dad was there, too, and I could see my handsome man on the hill, his hat tipped to greet me. And then it was time. We all managed to traverse the boggy ground and my dress was only slightly mired. LOLOL

We stood there, looking at each other and smiling. The judge was grinning and the whole thing was in motion like a locomotive so that I had no time for any of it but only to look at him and feel so much love. Of course, his voice was strong right up to the “…till death do us part…” portion and the cracking there put a tear in each and every eye, including my own. So, with tears rolling, I gave my own vows and it was done. He doffed his hat for the kiss and we laughed and laughed.

I hardly recall anything else because it was such a rush of faces and names and greetings. I was…just lost in it. I tossed the bouquet and too soon it was all over. Later, a few couples came to the house to sit and chat and it was so much fun that we all missed the rodeo and went for BBQ instead.

The brightest point is that my stepdaughter is in love with Austin-proper and wants to move here. Ah, youth…when one has no qualms about uprooting on a whim. LOL

So that’s the short version. I am a Mrs., we’ve rings that we still turn to make comfortable on unfamiliar fingers, and the sense of dedication to each other is stronger than ever. Bless us, it’s better than before…

She’s Here!

My sweetest, most darling and far-too-grown stepdaughter – AKA Pumpkinhead [which is a sweet nickname and NOT to be referencing in your mind a grotesque horror flick fiend]. She started her day at 8a-ish, flying here from ATL, and wasn’t present with luggage in hand until nearly 5p. Weather, weather everywhere…

She’s exhausted, of course, because all she does is work, bless her. I intend to spoil her rotten and have her snoozle all she wants. Which is what she’s doing. Since she was young, she has loved to be in a chair with a blanket and sleeping. So many photos of her doing just that…

It’s going to be an insane day tomorrow – flowers to get and fashion into proper bouquets (spirit of Martha inhabit my fingers, please!), his tux to fetch, a new cowboy hat just because, and maybe some new shoes for me.

And then on Saturday night? Yeah, buddy – it’s the small town rodeo again wherein we tempt her to move to TX with fine male ass in tight Wranglers attached to gentlemen who still tip their hats to ladies. Oh yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

If I have time, I’ll get a pic of all the girly wedding frou-frou for y’all before it’s all demolished…LOL Hey – if you’re out there – think good thoughts, `k? Gonna need about an extra 4 hours in the day tomorrow…

So Many Thoughts, So Little Brain Left

I seriously feel stupid. As in someone surely sucked out all my brains in the last 24 hours. I’ve nothing left. Instead of useful getting crap done, I am pondering thoughts like…
– isn’t Texas a little like Ireland/the Celts in their love of all kinds of good music?
– why do runners/joggers always select the most fume-laden, traffic bound roads to run on/next to?
– how much will it cost to get my cat’s ass shaved?
– where can I find my stepdaughter a nice guy to show her Austin Thursday night?
– what can I put the two dead black widow spiders in to keep them all pretty-like?

I’ve no answers today. Just questions.
FRACKING HELL. Forgot to stop at the grocery store. Damn it, Bob. See? Brain dead.